Wow. I just heard about Misha Gericke's amazing Word Master's Challenge. This month's challenge is
HOW NOT TO WRITE A NOVEL BEGINNING.
To quote: "In less than 300 words, I want to see your idea of the WORST beginning you can possibly write. The funnier and more creative you are, the better."
How could I possibly pass that up????
So, without further ado, here is my terrible, terrible entry.
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Bradley looked at the giant explosion racing towards him and thought about how he'd gotten here. Simultaneously, his mind-linked twin with whom he shared all physical sensations, was getting wet and wild with a hooker from Puerto Rico.
Bradley didn't know which would happen first; his death from the explosion or the shame of ejaculating in his pants during an epic battle scene. Either way, it would be an embarrassing end to the ex-cop cum superhero. He'd thought that getting injected with that serum he'd found from that UFO no one had seen crash but him would have made him invincible forever, but it turned out that apparently it only lasted for about a week.
Boy, the reporters sure are gonna be pissed. He thought especially of his ex Rebecca, and how happy she would be when she heard that he had died embarrassing himself. She had been really mad when he showed up flaunting the fact hat he could fly. Now she'd be thrilled, knowing that he had failed to stop the North Koreans from nuking St. Louis, just as the Rams were about to win the Superbowl.
Well, he thought, at least my brother's night will be ruined.
At that very moment, Bradley's brother Van Helsing was getting his kicks with this week's sidekick, some girl who's name he had already forgotten. Whatever, he'd just drop her the next time he was out fighting vampires. Most of them never lasted more than one mission anyways. He'd probably never need to call her by her real name-
"Say my name, Helsing!" the girl cried out in heavily accented English.
Oh crap. "Uhh..."
Suddenly the window to the room shattered and he saw three vampires jump through, baring blood-dripping fangs.
Whew, he thought. That's a relief.
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Well that's awful. Hopefully awful enough to win! Thanks for reading, and sorry for having you read!